I know they say when life throws you lemons you are suppose to make lemonaid, what if you suck? That probably doesn't make sense to you, but to me it does. I currently am sitting in a hot house with no central air. It is 93 out (higher with the heat index). Sitting at a hot computer desk. Why may you ask am I putting myself through this? I do this because this is my moment of peace and quiet. My wonderful husband is snoozing before he goes into work tonight. My amazing son is 'hopefully' down for the night. This time is all about me.
Jaden is now 4 months old. He has perfected crawling. He is my pride and joy. I love being a mom and I wouldn't trade it for anything. If you are a mother, you know this feeling. If you are a mother, you also may know the feeling of being tired and sometimes lonely. Do not get me wrong. I love spending time with my son. This last weekend my husband and I really had a few good talks late in the night like we use to. I am kind of a loner. Ok, let me rephrase this. I am a longing loner. I love to be by myself and do my own thing. I have friends but a few selected good friends. I really hesitate to become amazing friends with the people I work with. My problem is I feel a little left out sometimes. I have a few friends that have been also blessed with children. They are in all types of situations. I just wish that I had more mom's of little ones to have play dates with and to talk to.
Most of my friends, who have children, live out of town. The ones that are in town well, we use to be a lot closer. . . and now it seems I may lose them to. From either moving away or other reasons. I know my husband cannot really understand what I'm going through. I need more human interaction. One problem is, if I get invited to something I usually can't go. Most of the time it's because of our car. Aaron doesn't like me going all over lincoln and back. This is kind of frustrating because some of the things I would like to do to connect to other mom's is far away. I really need to come up with an idea. I just wish I had a stronger community of mom's.
My mother has been getting on my case about baptizing jaden. Ok, I wanted to have him baptized not long after he was born. . . but I believe I should have a church before that happens. My mom doesn't seem to understand this. My husband has different views about the baptism idea. It's going to be interesting trying to uphold a christ like household with my husband not always sharing the same ideas.
All I can say for now is to pray that I find guidance. Pray that I find fulfillment. Pray that I find my center, and sanity again!
Love.
